fixer

Nothing can be more frustrating than trying to “fix” someone who doesn’t want to be fixed. It’s like trying to hang a picture, tilting the frame to just the right the level, but despite our efforts, the picture keeps falling. 

Possibly becoming more broken because of our interference. 

I’ve had folks approach me and ask if I can help their loved one who’s going through a hard time. They desperately want a fix and have tried everything to no avail. 

Sadly, I tell them I can’t help unless that person wants it for themselves, unless they reach out to me on their own and are willing to do the work. 

I also tell them that I can relate to putting on the “fixer” hat. Because I was so tortured and broken in my youth, I sought out people who needed fixing, mainly because I wasn’t ready to face my own issues. Hindsight being clarity on steroids, I can look back as far as my high school days and see that I mostly chose people who I thought I could change for the better. I carried that mentality into my marriage by picking a husband with low self-esteem. If I could make him see how awesome he was, then I could derive value from fixing him. 

Major fail. All I wound up doing is sucking the life out of him and pushing him away. 

I also tried to patch up my extended family, trying to force people to reconcile that were better off giving each other space until they we’re ready for the olive branch phase. 

Basically I wasn’t fit to do anyone any good because I couldn’t see straight. 

Matthew 7:5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Once God healed my heart and I had a healthy view of myself, I still wanted to help folks, but in a healthy way. Not one that was manipulative and pushy. 

It wasn’t until I stopped pressuring my husband that he began his own healing journey. 

This week’s practice:

• Pray for whoever you’re trying to fix. That’s the very best thing you can do for them. 

• Treat them like a person and not a project. 

• Gain your own healthy view of self by looking to the scriptures and finding out what God says about you. 

Remember, you are a powerful child of God and everything you need to rise out of the ashes of the past lives on the inside of you. I’m truly blessed by your notes of encouragement, questions and prayer requests. MelissaA@TriangleNewsLeader.com

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