before dawn

We’re all familiar with Thomas Fuller’s phrase, ‘It’s always darkest before the dawn.’ Meaning that hope is only a horizon away, that we’re to hold on to God’s promise that we aren’t forsaken.

Hebrews 13:5 He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

At the time that I’m writing this, I’m quarantined with my husband, who tested positive for Covid a couple of days ago (he’s fine, just a sore throat and fatigue). This diagnosis threw quite the monkey wrench in our 30th-anniversary trip that we planned to leave for today.

Initially, we’d planned to go to Maine, but with flights still being canceled left and right, we planned a road trip. Much preparation went into making the trip a reality, from car maintenance to working ahead at work—including writing an extra article—and a bunch of in-between monotony.

Disappointment isn’t a companion I like to keep. In my article Depressed Mess, you may recall that my birth daughter’s flight was canceled last month and that I spiraled into depression. So even though I allowed myself a pity party on Thursday after Mark’s diagnosis, I vowed that I would not dip into gloom this time.

It took effort. It took me getting on my face before God and opening my heart to His truth. During this process, God reminded me of all He’s delivered me through. Like when it looked like my birth daughter and I wouldn’t reunite, and I cried out to Him, begging in the name of Jesus for peace. He didn’t give me that brand of peace because, a month later, He gave me her instead.

Or like when I applied to be a Bible teacher at a private school and was denied because I didn’t have a teaching degree. My pastor told me God had something better. And He did. A year later, I began working with my pastor in full-time ministry, where I grew beyond my dreams.

Or like when I was pregnant with our youngest son and found out by ultrasound that he was a boy. I had wanted a girl because I’d given up my birth daughter as a teenager and felt I needed a girl to replace her. God knew that was impossible. He also knew Marek would bless us and everyone who knows him. To wish he were a girl seems completely weird and wrong now.

But when I was in the trenches and couldn’t see past my pain, I let it fester until I allowed God’s restoration to dawn.

Here’s God’s truth that I cling to: Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams]…


Record every single thing that God has brought you through so that you can remind yourself of His goodness in a time of need.

Trust Him.

Remember, you are a powerful child of God, and everything you need to rise out of the ashes of the past lives on the inside of you. I’m truly blessed by your notes of encouragement, questions, and prayer requests.

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